Ever been so emotionally pummelled that you feel like you just can’t breathe?
No fun, right? That’s where I’m at right now. I know, I know it’s up to me to get myself out of this funk. Rationally, I know that I have the power in me to NOT emotionally react the way that I am. Of course, it’s in there somewhere. Although, it must be real freaking down deep though because I’m having a hard time reaching it.
Believe me, I’m trying. It’s like I’m on that rinse n’ repeat, rinse n’ repeat cycle. A loop if you will. Lie in bed, restless, itty bitty pieces of my heart floating around. My brain pounding, my heart throbbing, my mind rambling on and on and on it goes until almost daylight. Finally, at least some sleep.
Not great sleep dreams a way too emotional for deep sleep, but some sleep.
Determination! I will turn things around and I will feel better today. In a little while, I’ll start smiling again. I will be inspired and I will be inspiring.
Ah, it’s noon! I’m feeling and writing better. My pictures are brighter. Also, my posts are happier. There’s an optimistic feel about them that wasn’t there this morning.
Suddenly I remember, I made it to this point yesterday too. Much earlier, today took longer. STOP! Don’t do this! Must not start thinking about how everything emotionally unraveled yesterday. Most importantly, don’t bring yourself down. You have to do this! You have to emotionally pump yourself back up.
Think happy thoughts! Go to your happy place! You know, all that cliché crap happy stuff. Well, to be fair it isn’t actually crappy. Logically, I know it’s true but it is just tough getting there sometimes.
Then, sometimes it is beyond hell just trying to grasp onto one tiny glimmer of happiness at all. Not even going to talk about how hard it can be to stay there.
Nevertheless, it’s the freaking emotional roller coaster ride that’s killer. I think I can, I think I can, runs through my head as I’m pulling myself up that steep never-ending hill. I get to the top. Hands-on hips, I beam as I survey the beauty surrounding me.
Wouldn’t you know it! Something beyond my control happens and WHAM! It’s a straight shot to the bottom again.
That is, of course, the little white lie that I tell myself. It’s beyond my control, is a technicality that I’m using to try and fool myself. There is something that can be done to avoid the emotional wreckage. I know what I should do, I know what I probably have to do. In any case, it’s just not fair!
Then again, whoever said life has to be fair, especially emotionally?
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